the final closure

this time it's for real.. it's terribly painful alright, but i believe this is the final closure.. you're now gone for good. i pray the best for u.. sorry i dont have the guts to see you, not even for the last time.. i hope you have thought all these through.. somehow, i feel that your decision is too hasty.. which is so not like you. whatever you do, just please dont put your parents aside..oh well, you know best.. if there's one thing that im really hoping for right now, it's the strength for me to overcome this.. i keep telling myself there's a hikmah behind this great challenge.. Allah is Fair.. HE has a better plan for me.. i just have to keep praying, hoping and being sabar..

no more energy

in the next 72 hours, i'll be facing 3 tests - Criminal Procedure, Jurispridence & Professional Practice + a Civil Procedure hearing on friday morning.. i dunno how am i suppose to handle all these anymore.. after the whole conveyancing drafting last week, i dont think there's any energy left with me.. there's no more will in fact.. i havent even finished studying, yet im online.. i couldnt be bothered anymore.. tired,exhausted and drained out.. a part of me couldnt wait for all these torturing exercises to be over and done with.. but when i think of no job offer waiting, i get all tensed and worried.. all these uncertainties are driving me nuts.. i know im just His servant.. only HE knows what is to come.. i can only hope.. but unaswered questions still bug me.. Ya Allah, show me some shadow of light at the end of that tunnel.. cause i'm so lost without it now..

To : YOU

if you could see this huge hole inside my chest, if you could at least feel half the pain im feeling..

if only.. but no, u're too engrossed in your new life.. i bet u couldnt be bothered.. the pain is back.. i thought tonnes of work will push it away, but i was wrong.. it's still lingering at the same place.. causing this excruciating pain inside my chest.. words cant describe it.. i wish ponstan could get rid of it..but no, no..

lately, im been having second thought about the decision i made with u.. now, im doubting myself.. is this what i really want? one thing for sure, i know what's in my head is NOT what's in my heart.. my heart wants you..my head says no..

people say you cant have everything u want.. what if both things mean a lot to me? *sigh*

almost there..

yup, 2 more weeks of classes followed by 2 weeks of exams and im done being a student! :D

here are some pics with the Class of 2009, Ahmad Ibrahim Kulliyah of Laws

which road to take?

lately i've been contemplating of doing my Chambering.. i know all this while i've dreaded the word chambering..in fact i even called the 9 months experience as a self-degrading experience.. but now.. hm.. afta 4 yrs of reading case law..reading law, i somehow want to get the feel of practising..dont get me wrong, i dont want to practise law.. i mean, not for good..but at least i wanna get my license.. fyi, chambering is a 9 months training in order to be admitted to the Malaysian Bar as an advocate and solicitor..without this qualification, i wont be able to bring a case to court.. my initial plan was just to go into a company and become their in-house lawyer (some may refer it as corporate lawyer).. at least tak yah pening2 sgt or get too stress up abt work..coz what in-house lawyer do is advice on legal matters, negotiate for contracts, draft contract docs.. a simpler way to make money i suppose.. but now, im thinking maybe i should just do chambering anyway.. i can always join corporate world later.. all it takes is 9 months.. it may seem long..but what the heck..im handled 4 years.. whats another 9 months rite?i dunno..maybe i should do solat istikharah.. i need HIS guidance in this

Mr. C, Mr. C

uurgh..u still havent found your way huh? how much longer? despite the fact that i've been busy with studies, u're still on my mind.. im still wondering when will u finally be here.. or will u ever be here??:( the scary thought of not having u around ever lurks in every nite u know.. please tell me that wont happen.. the thought itself sends shivers through my body.. no, i know u're not gonna do that to me.. just please look harder.. and im just right here.. hurry will u?:(

one more month

a week had gone by.. i couldnt believe it's already friday.. my time was pretty much occupied with school works and 2 tests - Public International Law & Criminal Procedure.. on top of that, had to draft Summons in Chambers, Affidavit in Support, a Certificate of Urgency + draft for Order.. yes, very tiring..*sigh* glad i got it over and done with.. now time to catch up on sleep and rest..

im not even going home for the long weekend.. sedey...:( need to get busy with my Professional Practice drafting work.. Tuhan je tahu berape banyak documents nak kene draft!! MORE reason NOT to practise!LOL

believe it or not,i only have a month left in law school.. yer, ONE MONTH, SATU BULAN..! i know that all this while i keep on saying that i'm counting days for it to be over with.. but frankly, i'm scared.. i have yet to receive any call for interview with my dream employer, let alone a job offer.. what luck to graduate in the midst of global economic recession.. and a part of me is rather sad that my time as a student is about to come to an end.. had it really been 4 years? no, 6 and a half years if i were to include my diploma years.. crazy! dah2 la belajar kan? time to make some money..:)

blacked out

as i was waiting to go in for my PP class this morning, i suddenly feel like im on a boat and the current is very strong.. everything was spinning around, i almost lost my balance.. good thing there was this wall next to me which kept me from falling... called my classmate and she helped me get into the class.. am still feeling very2 dizzy.. i dunno why im feeling all these.. had enough sleep, got myself a big breakfast in the morning, and yet i almost fell from the dizziness.. now i know what its like bila org nak pitam..decided to go to clinic after that since i began to feel nauseous.. surprise, surprise, the doc at the clinic told me it was nothing..he even made a joke that perhaps i ate too much for breakfast. F.U.N.N.Y doc! as i had to maintain my composure and not scream at his face, and my head was throbbing, i just gave him a weak smile.. now i understand why my dad is always furious with doctors.. they never take things seriously.. bila org nak separuh mati, baru nak gelabah.. ok2, im cranky.. but i was hoping he'd check me properly, ask about my headache or something.. and btw, he gave me ponstan! thats the medication that the docs here in my uni give away tak kira sakit ape.. i think they must've stockpile of ponstan :p uhh...need to lie down.. headache is getting worse...

stop with the excuses

when it comes to work, or study, i get very serious.. u may see me laughing and cracking stupid jokes, but the minute work@study comes into the picture, i'd be in my serious mode.. and i'd just give my 100% concentration on it.. this happens to be a problem when im in a group.. i know not everyone has the same concentration span or view things as i do, but please.. when u're doing something that involves others, cant u at least try to concentrate or not talk about irrelevant stuff? when works are delegated, arent u expected to get it done and ON TIME? im sorry, but i cant stand people who are always trying to find excuses, blame on having not enough time, yada yada.. come on la.. Allah has bless us all with 24 hours per day.. u have 24 hrs, i have 24hrs.. if u spend your time on something which shouldnt have been a priority, then it is for u to sacrifice your sleep or one way or the other.. DONT, just DONT use not having enough time as an excuse with me.. if u can read novels and complaint of not having enough time with the works, that's called bullshit.. mind my language.. im tired of this type of people.. be responsible! your sad and lame excuse doesnt work with me..

the comfort in you

when i have a bad day, i put down all my guard and from you i seek comfort.. i know im not supposed to do that, but i just couldnt help myself.. part of me is ever so grateful u actually picked up the phone that nite.. i dont mean to be dependent on you, not anymore that is.. but who am i kidding? if there's anyone that could calm me down.. or understand without me saying a word, it is you.. just by the way i say hello, u would know that something is bugging me.. u would know i need to talk.. and that very nite my dear, all i wanted was someone to hear me whine and merengek.. im so silly kan? but u listened anyway.. things that u say that nite, surprised me, really.. i didnt expect u to remember some of the stuff.. now that we're worlds apart.. but i realized, we share this great bond.. we can finish off each other's sentences.. i can tell when u're smirking.. u know when im blushing.. even on the phone! and it makes me wonder, is it the same with her? a voice inside my head tells me..u dont even realize all these.. coz if do, u' d probably still be here by my side.. but u're not.. u're building up a future with someone else.. someone u just met :( God, when will i ever find someone that i can have same level of understanding?the same bond.. yes, im weak, im lame.. but i cant stop myself.. and i dont want to put up a strong face.. i dont want to pretend.. i long for a companion.. i long for someone to just be there for me.. someone who i can snuggle up to at nite and hear me rant.. where is he Ya Allah? :(

To : Mr. C

Dear Mr. C,
I'm going crazy.. I dunno how long can I handle this anymore.. This whole experience is driving me nuts.. All I feel like doing is curl up in my bed and sleep throughout the days.. I know it's bad.. I shouldn't be thinking too much.. but I just feel so lost, empty and vulnerable.. I feel that all the strong will inside of me is gone.. I dont have the will to do anything anymore.. That is how bad things are.. I know I should just concentrate on the last few weeks of my degree.. I know, I know.. but I just can't.. the harder I try to push myself on school works, the more I realize I need you.. What's taking you so long? I dah penat.. penat sgt2.. Just find your way here please.. and hurry...

To : People who think they're always right

I cant take it anymore..I'm very annoyed.. Knock it off already and grow up.. Stop putting up all these childish acts.. You're not that good.. Ader je tak kene when it comes to orang lain.. Have you ever look at yourself? all you do is point finger to orang ni, orang tu.. I've never thought you're like this.. You're smart, then just please use that brain of yours... Please Ya Allah, bersihkan la hati manusia2 ni.. I'm tired of their acts..

To : Public in General

Dear People Out There,

When u ask for help @ you're getting a favour from others , a friend in particular, never ever forget to thank them.. I know "thank you" may seem very trivial to some.. but trust me, it means a lot.. I notice that people these days seem to take things for granted.. DONT.. from today on, make it a habit to say thank you to the people around you, for every lil thing that they do.. they might not appreciate it, that's ok.. but one thing for sure, when you dont say, they'll definitely notice it.. and sometimes, without us realizing it, a dear friend @ loved ones gets hurt when we omit to say these 2 simple words.. we sure dont wanna do that, do we? and havent our parents been teaching us since we were kids to say thank you? remember people, thank you is the magic word :D

To : Future Employer

Dear Future Employer,
When oh when are you people gonna give me a call for an interview? This is driving me nuts.. Seeing a few of friends being all nervous about interview session makes me wonder, when will my turn comes? Urgh.. this is just soooo scary! I still hope I'm still good enough for you people.. I so do not wanna have to do chambering.. Call me SOON! Pleaseee...? gosh, i'm pathetic

To : The Ex

Dear Mr. Ex,
I bet you're gonna have a smug on your face if you know this.. As I was busy drafting the caveat application form for my PP drafting last nite, my mind wandered off to you..Yes, YOU.. It's so lame!! I mean, it's just caveat form for God's sake.. I guess the fact that I need serious help with my drafting exercises, and not having anyone to ask help from made me remember you.. I even remember how you promised to help me go through my final year.. But er..where are you again??Urgh silly2 me.. Ntahla, at times, I'm just so tired of putting a strong face to everyone.. I know it's been almost a year, and with you planning to get married end of this year, I should just stop thinking about you.. Sheesh, why is it so hard for me to just stop thinking about u? And why is it so easy for you to move on? You're already thinking of marriage! Here I am, thinking of you over drafting exercises.. It's ridiculous I know.. But I also know that I'm just a normal human being.. Maybe it takes longer for me to get over this.. Oh I simply dunno.. Anyway, all the best for you and her..

change

i've decided to change my way of writing in this blog.. from now on, i'm gonna be writing in a form of letters.. this way, i can be more expressive.. we shall see..

congratulation!

here's a round of congratulations to -

* Abah & Mama - I'm very happy for you two :)


* Iza -
my coursemate back in UPM - she got married in december and she's already 2 months pregnant! :D the baby in our gang and yet she's da 1st be a mommy.. Iza, do take care babe! :P

* Jinggo
my senior in UPM who's also gonna be a daddy soon! congrats and jage Fira baik2 ;)

* Zura
my roomate of 3 yrs in UPM who's gonna tie da knot with Mr. Puteh this 8th of March.. cant wait!

Pangkor Island Escapade

wow, cant believe it has been 3 weeks since my last entry.. not that i've been waaay too busy with school works ke ape..mind you, been very lazy..haha mentang2 dah last sem ;) nuthing interesting happened since the cat incident.lol

anyway, for my 25th bday, i decided to do sumthin different - travelling alone.. it's something that i wanted to do for a very2 long time.. i envy all those 'minah salleh" who have the guts to travel the world alone, exploring foreign countries all by themselves..so i thought, let's give this a try.. i need sun, beach, sunset.. since it's my first attempt, i decided to go to Pangkor je.. then i had to persuade my Abah.. cant actually go without his permission can i? after one long text sms, and a phone call, he gave me the green light.. yay!! terus googled for a nice resort..wanted to stay at Pangkor Laut, but... the rate is USD 400/nite!! crazy kan? so i settled for second best -Pangkor Island Beach Resort.. fell in lurve with the pics on the net.. :D

when i told my friends, most of them freaked out..they thought something was troubling me.. not forgetting for those few who discouraged me as well..dont be surprised that one of my so-called friend actually said macam loser je travel sorang2..rite when i was already on the ferry to Pangkor.. come on people, we cant always be dependent on others..and at times, we need to be alone.. and that was what i felt when i decided to go..i just wanted to this for myself.. i needed time to hear myself.. my inner thoughts..in other words, a weekend of ME and ME alone..:D

truth be told, i was a lil nervous at first.. i mean, here's this girl who thinks the idea of eating alone in public = pathetic.. ye la, of all the people in the world, cant u at least drag a person to accompany u? tetibe je, decided it's time to do the very thing she wanted to do, alone.. haha but u know what? it wasnt a mistake.. i had a blast.. i found the peace i was looking for.. seriously.. i felt so calm and tenang throughout my stay.. nothing awkward or strange.. for real people :D just look at these and you'll know what i mean ;)

on the way to Pangkor..never thought i'd have the guts to stand on the ferry's deck..haha see, when u travel alone u tend to be all berani and actually try things out :)

resort's own private jetty

looooooooove this view from the lobby..so cantik!! wanna live here!

from da balcony

beach view from my room..suke!! :D

isnt this breathtaking?

watching sunset..

resort's lobby

was waiting for my shooting star, but too bad there wasnt even a single star in sight..huhu

calm & serene morning..hmmm :)

my hearty breakfaST

wild hornbill, my mate for breakfast :)

check out this wild peacock, showing off its beautiful tail

Kingfisher Pool

goodbye Pangkor








all in all, i had a splendid time..the resort's sooooooooo beautiful that i didnt wanna leave.. must come here again :)

me vs. cats

yes people, i.am.scared.of.cats... be it lil adorable kittens, or big tom cats, i'm still afraid of 'em..
i'd quickly get away from 'em or shoo 'em and when they are just too near to me, i'd actually scream.. no kidding, people.. :p

for some reason, cats seem to have been following me EVERYWHERE yesterday.. it started out when i was at cafe with a couple of friends, discussing on our Evidence presentation.. this huge cat was just trying to be manja and walked back and forth near our table.. takpe, that wasnt so scary..

then at lunch, the same big cat came running from that cafe, straight up to the spot where my friend and i was sitting.. kinda jauh i'd say, around 20 m.. i was like, why in the world this cat datang sini..dont tell me it could sense my fear from that distance! it was so weird that this cat just kept bugging me, and not my friend (who is NOT afraid of cats of coz).. geram gile.. i couldnt even gobble my lunch in peace.. since it kept coming near me, i had to get up, moved about just to stay away from it.. and yes, i made a scene - menjerit and marah2.huhu.. dahla ramai pulak orang yg lalu kat situ.. oh well, who cares..i just dont get along well with cats :p

as if that incident during lunch was not enough, balik bilik ade plak this lil kitten standing right in front of my room door.. grrreat! i know that kitten is cute and all, especially its big blue eyes, but come on.. of all the rooms on my floor, why my room???! i managed to shoo it away for a while, dumped my bag on my table and tengok2 this kitten dah masuk my room! and yes, once again i screamed, took the broom and shoo it away(gently ok..takde la pukul).. and when i was about to go the toilet, it was still standing right in front of my door, and followed me to the toilet... tak suke!! isk.. why did all these cats follow me? go away kitties :S

:)

okay.this might sound silly and cheesy, but i can't help myself..
i seriously dunno how u do it, but u're certainly very good at it.
it's all very simple -> u.make.me.smile.
and that's more than i can ask for.. ;)

i dont want to deny this, nor do i want to push this aside..
i did that once, and i'm not going to do that again..
this time around, i'm gonna take the risk..
i'm going to give it a shot.. *winks*

a moment of silence..

as of today, 770 Palestinians have been killed in the most recent Israeli attack in Gaza.. just imagine, within a period of 13 days, 770 lives are gone..mosques, schools were their primary targets.. for God's sake, why schools? fyi no brainer Israelis, schools are the place where CHILDREN, yes INNOCENT CHILDREN seek shelter, not HAMAS!! how can you people be so low.. !! :'(

i no longer feel the need to ask when will all these be over with? or when can we finally see the Palestine-Israel conflict be resolved.. or when will the Muslim countries be united and help the poor Palestinians.. or where are the Muslims leaders in all these? because i doubt i'll ever find the answer to that.. but i do know that there's one thing i could do.. PRAY, PRAY & PRAY that Allah gives the strength to these poor Palestinians.. and that's what you can do too.. let us take a moment of silence for our fellow brothers and sisters in Gaza.. Al- Fatihah..


note : to my fellow Malaysians, let us reflect on this.. dah2 la mengeluh, whine or complain over every lil things which do not go our way.. try to compare our so-called problem to the situation over there in Gaza.. arent we all just being silly and ungrateful? look up and say Alhamdulillah people..

back to library, books & case law..

3rd week of the semester in my faculty marks the commencement of all tutorials... unfortunate for us law students, besides having to attend lectures in the morning, we also have to go for tutorials in the evening.. maka bermulalah our busy schedule.. no more lepark2 n gossip2 during free period.. it's time to head back to the library, dig up case law and prepare tutorial questions provided.. today alone, i had 2 tutorials - public international law + cpc with my dear grandpa Tariq :) rase penat giler.. isk, gotta straightened myself out and prepare myself to my usual busy routine la (mental note : get out of that holiday mood dee!:S )

interestingly enough, as i was dragging myself from one class to another, my baby bro Syazwan @ Acik, sent me several text msgs, asking me about several latin terms applicable in legal field.. fyi, he has to take construction law + contract law + some basic malaysian legal system for his diploma in QS @ UiTM... kelakarnyer, every text msg sent starts with this q - "ape kebendanyer ni...??" hehe now u know rite Acik, law is tough!:P

just to share, here are some of the words asked :

ratio decidendi = reason behind the decision

inter alia = among others

stare decisis = judicial precedent

to Acik, good luck yea? will send off notes required soon.. :P and i need to hit the bed, another long day awaits..

weddings,weddings and more weddings

received a call from Laila this afternoon, asking me to accompany her to a Wedding Exhibition @ Ampang Point..apparently, she too, is getting married soon..huhu i was at first reluctant to go, worried that my emotion akan jadi tak stabil once i get back from it.. but a friend gotta do what a friend gotta do rite? so off i went to Ampang Point.. mind you, this is my first time checking out an exhibition of such kind.. was shocked to see the crowd..loads of happy-soon-to-be-married-couples.. some of these couples even came with their parents..tak sangka pulak ramai yg akan kawin this year.. i guess recession has no effect on Malaysian after all?hehe surprisingly, i actually enjoyed it.. best dpt tgk wide selections of wedding invites, cakes, dresses, pelamin, wedding packages, wedding pics, hantaran and even caterers (siap ade food testing session lagi!)

here are some pics ~

simple yet classy lookin wedding cake

lurve this classic renaissance themed pelamin *drool*

Laila - food testing

i.want.this.cake.

~hantaran~

black-n-white theme..

lurve this dress..cantik kan?

view from the back..still cantik! :D

selections of wedding invitations; my fav is da black one ;)

and guess who's wedding invite is this? my own senior

back in UPM, Kak Ita @ Carmelita

combination of cake and cupcakes..what a concept!

solution found

it's a well-known fact among my close friends that i hate, yes, HATE to be asked with this Q -
"when are you getting married?" unknown to you insensitive people, such a Q would make my head dizzy, hormones go crazy and emotions go wild.. tapi nak tak nak, i have to answer it, especially when nosy aunts & uncles pop such a q.. only God knows how hard it is to answer it without being rude.huhu yela kan, if i know when the time will come, i wont even give you the chance to ask, i'll let everyone knows.. letak kat billboards on highways, put up an ad on the newspaper, my facebook, friendster, u name it.. :p ok2, im exaggerating.. but u get my point rite?i simply dont know.. but guess what? after reading The Star today, i think i now have the perfect answer to that NO-NO q..

check out this article :
THAT DREADED "M" WORD
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2009/1/3/lifefocus/2919150&sec=lifefocus


ask me that q again, hear me say : WHEN YOU FIND ME A MAN! :D puas hati..hehe

angah and his new year

when most kl folks gathered with friends, waiting for the new year countdown.. my brother Syafiq, or Angah to us, had a very special way of celebrating new year.. *giggles* being admitted to the hospital!! i know i sound evil.. ape punye kakak la gelakkan adik dia masuk hospital rite? but until today, i still cant understand how he could slipped off the stairs and got his neck sprained.. fyi, he's almost 6 ft and has big body structure.. i.just.dont.get.it.. ha ha ok2, i did kinda feel sorry for him after knowing that he had to take the monorail alone to get to the hospital and all.. but still, how? how? when asked, he himself couldnt explain.. ha ha see what i mean.. ape2 pun, alhamdulillah, there was nothing wrong with his back and spine.. to Angah, what a way to start the new year! :P

Abah must be thinking..how did it happen?huhu