the comfort in you

when i have a bad day, i put down all my guard and from you i seek comfort.. i know im not supposed to do that, but i just couldnt help myself.. part of me is ever so grateful u actually picked up the phone that nite.. i dont mean to be dependent on you, not anymore that is.. but who am i kidding? if there's anyone that could calm me down.. or understand without me saying a word, it is you.. just by the way i say hello, u would know that something is bugging me.. u would know i need to talk.. and that very nite my dear, all i wanted was someone to hear me whine and merengek.. im so silly kan? but u listened anyway.. things that u say that nite, surprised me, really.. i didnt expect u to remember some of the stuff.. now that we're worlds apart.. but i realized, we share this great bond.. we can finish off each other's sentences.. i can tell when u're smirking.. u know when im blushing.. even on the phone! and it makes me wonder, is it the same with her? a voice inside my head tells me..u dont even realize all these.. coz if do, u' d probably still be here by my side.. but u're not.. u're building up a future with someone else.. someone u just met :( God, when will i ever find someone that i can have same level of understanding?the same bond.. yes, im weak, im lame.. but i cant stop myself.. and i dont want to put up a strong face.. i dont want to pretend.. i long for a companion.. i long for someone to just be there for me.. someone who i can snuggle up to at nite and hear me rant.. where is he Ya Allah? :(

To : Mr. C

Dear Mr. C,
I'm going crazy.. I dunno how long can I handle this anymore.. This whole experience is driving me nuts.. All I feel like doing is curl up in my bed and sleep throughout the days.. I know it's bad.. I shouldn't be thinking too much.. but I just feel so lost, empty and vulnerable.. I feel that all the strong will inside of me is gone.. I dont have the will to do anything anymore.. That is how bad things are.. I know I should just concentrate on the last few weeks of my degree.. I know, I know.. but I just can't.. the harder I try to push myself on school works, the more I realize I need you.. What's taking you so long? I dah penat.. penat sgt2.. Just find your way here please.. and hurry...

To : People who think they're always right

I cant take it anymore..I'm very annoyed.. Knock it off already and grow up.. Stop putting up all these childish acts.. You're not that good.. Ader je tak kene when it comes to orang lain.. Have you ever look at yourself? all you do is point finger to orang ni, orang tu.. I've never thought you're like this.. You're smart, then just please use that brain of yours... Please Ya Allah, bersihkan la hati manusia2 ni.. I'm tired of their acts..

To : Public in General

Dear People Out There,

When u ask for help @ you're getting a favour from others , a friend in particular, never ever forget to thank them.. I know "thank you" may seem very trivial to some.. but trust me, it means a lot.. I notice that people these days seem to take things for granted.. DONT.. from today on, make it a habit to say thank you to the people around you, for every lil thing that they do.. they might not appreciate it, that's ok.. but one thing for sure, when you dont say, they'll definitely notice it.. and sometimes, without us realizing it, a dear friend @ loved ones gets hurt when we omit to say these 2 simple words.. we sure dont wanna do that, do we? and havent our parents been teaching us since we were kids to say thank you? remember people, thank you is the magic word :D

To : Future Employer

Dear Future Employer,
When oh when are you people gonna give me a call for an interview? This is driving me nuts.. Seeing a few of friends being all nervous about interview session makes me wonder, when will my turn comes? Urgh.. this is just soooo scary! I still hope I'm still good enough for you people.. I so do not wanna have to do chambering.. Call me SOON! Pleaseee...? gosh, i'm pathetic

To : The Ex

Dear Mr. Ex,
I bet you're gonna have a smug on your face if you know this.. As I was busy drafting the caveat application form for my PP drafting last nite, my mind wandered off to you..Yes, YOU.. It's so lame!! I mean, it's just caveat form for God's sake.. I guess the fact that I need serious help with my drafting exercises, and not having anyone to ask help from made me remember you.. I even remember how you promised to help me go through my final year.. But er..where are you again??Urgh silly2 me.. Ntahla, at times, I'm just so tired of putting a strong face to everyone.. I know it's been almost a year, and with you planning to get married end of this year, I should just stop thinking about you.. Sheesh, why is it so hard for me to just stop thinking about u? And why is it so easy for you to move on? You're already thinking of marriage! Here I am, thinking of you over drafting exercises.. It's ridiculous I know.. But I also know that I'm just a normal human being.. Maybe it takes longer for me to get over this.. Oh I simply dunno.. Anyway, all the best for you and her..

change

i've decided to change my way of writing in this blog.. from now on, i'm gonna be writing in a form of letters.. this way, i can be more expressive.. we shall see..

congratulation!

here's a round of congratulations to -

* Abah & Mama - I'm very happy for you two :)


* Iza -
my coursemate back in UPM - she got married in december and she's already 2 months pregnant! :D the baby in our gang and yet she's da 1st be a mommy.. Iza, do take care babe! :P

* Jinggo
my senior in UPM who's also gonna be a daddy soon! congrats and jage Fira baik2 ;)

* Zura
my roomate of 3 yrs in UPM who's gonna tie da knot with Mr. Puteh this 8th of March.. cant wait!

Pangkor Island Escapade

wow, cant believe it has been 3 weeks since my last entry.. not that i've been waaay too busy with school works ke ape..mind you, been very lazy..haha mentang2 dah last sem ;) nuthing interesting happened since the cat incident.lol

anyway, for my 25th bday, i decided to do sumthin different - travelling alone.. it's something that i wanted to do for a very2 long time.. i envy all those 'minah salleh" who have the guts to travel the world alone, exploring foreign countries all by themselves..so i thought, let's give this a try.. i need sun, beach, sunset.. since it's my first attempt, i decided to go to Pangkor je.. then i had to persuade my Abah.. cant actually go without his permission can i? after one long text sms, and a phone call, he gave me the green light.. yay!! terus googled for a nice resort..wanted to stay at Pangkor Laut, but... the rate is USD 400/nite!! crazy kan? so i settled for second best -Pangkor Island Beach Resort.. fell in lurve with the pics on the net.. :D

when i told my friends, most of them freaked out..they thought something was troubling me.. not forgetting for those few who discouraged me as well..dont be surprised that one of my so-called friend actually said macam loser je travel sorang2..rite when i was already on the ferry to Pangkor.. come on people, we cant always be dependent on others..and at times, we need to be alone.. and that was what i felt when i decided to go..i just wanted to this for myself.. i needed time to hear myself.. my inner thoughts..in other words, a weekend of ME and ME alone..:D

truth be told, i was a lil nervous at first.. i mean, here's this girl who thinks the idea of eating alone in public = pathetic.. ye la, of all the people in the world, cant u at least drag a person to accompany u? tetibe je, decided it's time to do the very thing she wanted to do, alone.. haha but u know what? it wasnt a mistake.. i had a blast.. i found the peace i was looking for.. seriously.. i felt so calm and tenang throughout my stay.. nothing awkward or strange.. for real people :D just look at these and you'll know what i mean ;)

on the way to Pangkor..never thought i'd have the guts to stand on the ferry's deck..haha see, when u travel alone u tend to be all berani and actually try things out :)

resort's own private jetty

looooooooove this view from the lobby..so cantik!! wanna live here!

from da balcony

beach view from my room..suke!! :D

isnt this breathtaking?

watching sunset..

resort's lobby

was waiting for my shooting star, but too bad there wasnt even a single star in sight..huhu

calm & serene morning..hmmm :)

my hearty breakfaST

wild hornbill, my mate for breakfast :)

check out this wild peacock, showing off its beautiful tail

Kingfisher Pool

goodbye Pangkor








all in all, i had a splendid time..the resort's sooooooooo beautiful that i didnt wanna leave.. must come here again :)