when everything else go wrong

i'm a firm believer that Allah is fair in every lil things that He decides for us..sure, when im facing the "test", i tend to question why is this happening to me.. why is He giving me such a "test".. at times, i feel that im just gonna break down coz the "test" is not what i could handle and i'd realize im too weak to go through it.. but then i'd tell myself that He only wants me to be closer to Him.. it's a reminder that He is always there watching over me.. He is always there to help..

" And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah. Then when harm touches you, unto Him you cry aloud for help.." [Al Quran 16:53]

so when you feel lost, or helpless or hopeless while facing a "test" from Him, just look up, let it all out, cry if you have to and beg Him to make it easier for you.. and trust me, He'll always hear your prayer ;) coz last nite He did and today im able to smile again..

2 down, 5 more to go

just finished my second paper, Civil Procedure (CP) today.. 3 hours of non-stop writing.. tiring k! im beginning to think all these law exams are just silly.. come to think of it, it is so unreasonable to make us so-called future lawyers to write up a statement of claim in what,45 minutes???!!! i mean, we basically need to finish reading up the problem within 5 minutes coz we have 5, yes, 5 other questions to read through, understand, extract the issues AND come up with the available remedies and procedures.. come on, even real lawyers need at least a week to do that, let alone 45 minutes?? if all the cause papers can be done within such a short period of time, im VERY sure that we wont hear the public or the judiciary complaining about lawyers making too much delay rite? duh!! :P ok, ok..im not angry..hehe i just think its absurd.. exams should not be the ONLY method to test our understanding.. we need more practical work within more reasonable timeframe.. huhu.. anyway, now that is done, i better concentrate on tomorrow's paper - public international law.. and yay, after tomorrow's paper i can at least breathe for a couple of days.. thank God :)

again and again..

i've allowed myself to place my trust in you again.. i thought u were real..but i guess u were just using me.. how stupid of me.. again and again, im left with this excruciating pain.. and i feel betrayed this time.. i never knew a human being, Allah's most special creature, being granted a HEART, could do anything like this.. do you even know what you're doing? you're lying to yourself, you've obviously fooled me.. and guess what, you've also betrayed that other person.. stop with all these acts.. havent you done enough? you're so not the person you think you are.. take a look at that mirror and ask yourself what you have done.. im amazed that you dont feel a tinge of guilt *sigh* Allah's fair.. today might be your day.. i just hope you realize what you're doing.. im beyond words now.. it hurts so bad that i cant shed a single tear.. i wish i could, so i can just get rid of this feeling.. oh well, i have HIM.. HE's listening.. HE's witnessing all these.. HE knows.. please give me the strength.. please..

it's the season..:)

this past weekend had witnessed 2 of my friends' engagement and one wedding - Zura, roomie back in UPM, and Rahimie, ex-classmate back in Standard 6, are now officially engaged to their sweethearts (congrats!!!) whereas my former diploma coursemate, Zatul had embark on the 'marriage-hood' on Sunday and has now become the official Mrs. Lopaque (his real name is Radzi, we just call him that!).. and for the first time, i actually attended my own friend's wedding! Zatul dear, u should feel honoured coz i managed to persuade myself to take some time off from studying Jurisprudence(da exam was yesterday)!haha but im happy that i made it.. gotta be honest, it felt different.. usually its family weddings but this time around, it's your own friend.. the friend that u used to gossip with for hours, the friend that u shared your wedding dreams with..hehe gosh, time really flies..i've hit that stage oredi! next in turn is another collegemate back in UPM, Hafiz a.k.a Jinggo, who's gonna tie the knot to Fira this saturday.. and now im thinkin, nak sangat tgk kawan sendiri kawin kan?haa skang dah start, it doesnt seem to stop..and yes, it makes myself wonder when is my turn?! hmm.. Wallahualam :P

to all the lucky people out there

dedicated to all the wonderful people who are blessed to have found their other half, their soulmate and the love of their life :)

p/s: truly envy u guys :P

Lyrics

i want to but i just cant..

me & zura

today is a big day for my friend Zura, room mate of 3 years in UPM.. today, she's gonna be engaged.. today, she's gonna be one step closer to a lifetime commitment.. congrats babe! :) only God knows how happy i am for YOU and Puteh (Azrul).. but a part of me sedih sgt2 that i cant join u on such a big event like this.. i feel so bad.. i really want to go.. u know that rite? but im stuck in between preparing for my final exams and this.. im not trying to be selfish, but exams are very important now that im in my final year.. i really2 hope u understand and tak kecik hati.. u know how i've waited for this moment.. believe it or not, ur big day is not the first that i've missed.. i've missed Ain's wedding, my friend Shikin's wedding (to which until this very day she's still not speaking to me ), Iza's engagement and now urs dear.. i have no choice.. all these big days happened during exam time.. :( please please please forgive me..

anyway, may u haf a wonderful ceremony..and may u get married really soon..tak yah tunggu lama2 lagi..kesian abg puteh!lol i seriusly still cant believe how u guys got togetha.. ur dreams really did come true huh? from secret crush to a real marriage!wow..i sooo envy u :P there goes anotha friend of mine..hehe congrats again dearie *hugs*

yikes..it's already thursday

i cant believe how fast time flies..it's already thursday! in 3 days time, my battle in the exam hall will begin.. andyet, im still in the midst of tryin to gobble down all the law and authorities before me.. so much more to read, understand and absorb..aiyayay.. perhaps i should just stop logging on the net, and continue studying..huhu penat dah mata ni membaca! lol

please no...

you know how our muscles and joints ache when we're about to have a fever? well, i've felt that since last saturday nite.. i think my body is exhausted..physically and mentally exhausted.. i know if i just lay down in bed and rest, it'll probably get even worse..so, i kept telling myself, it's all in the mind, moved about like im ok ( i even went out to see Mamma Mia yesterday ok?lol).. but last nite before i went to bed, da aching started again.. and i think it's worse when i woke up this morning..throbbing headache, blocked nose made me stayed in bed a lil longer than usual.. but da thing is, i cant afford to be sick rite now.. my finals start next week, as in Monday next week..followed by another two papers on Wednesday and Thursday.. that means im suppose to be in my study-marathon mood, not lying in bed! oh my dear body, please be well..gotta study..gotta do loads of reading.. cant have you rite now..maybe after 3 weeks?pretty please... ok, i better get some more panadol and start reading..

it's been six months..

now,before i even begin with dis entry, i need to make a note to those who might read dis and to myself, that i am not dwelling on things..i am fine.. its just that i feel like putting these thoughts into words..share it with those who care enough to read.. nothing more, nothing less..

believe it or not, it has been six months..half a year.. i dunno how i got through these months, but hey im still standing :) and i can even smile too.hehe tears, questioning, wondering, feeling so weak..im done with all that.. sure, da pain is still there alrite..but im no longer sad.. bitter?yes, at times..haha not because of what happened, but because i allow myself to be placed in such a situation..i could see the signs all along, but i never had the guts to walk off..i was way to complacent with the way things were that i was, in a way, living in a state of denial.. i should've make a move long time ago..but nope, i was being stubborn, wanted things to work out so bad, not willing to quit.. and here i am, having to learn things the hard way.. oh well, shit happens kan?hehe

things are better now(except for da tonnes of school work of course!).. i guess i've managed to swallow everything..its no longer stuck in my throat.. time is da best medicine people:) oh yea, distraction helps too.. and definitely loads of support from friends and family.. im ever so grateful to have so many friends who were always there to hear me out.. they picked me up and helped me stand up again.. they wiped away these tears, made me smile & laugh my head off, and most importantly, they made me feel good about myself again.. to Mazlina, Najia, Suraya, Abg Hairin, Kak Julia, Kak Emy, Kak Maz, Kak Hasni, Yan, Jasma, Mr. F, Elyna, Aufa, Maryam, Ina, Mun, Tasha, Adora, Shiykin, Che Wan, Azeem.. may Allah bless all you wonderful people always.. you guyz have given me so much strength.. caaayunkkk korang!! *hugs* dis is me afta six months.. i hope i'll be much better in times to come..:)

drained out..

i dont think i've had enough rest during raya break.. and now that im back in campus, im bogged down with skool work and a long line of tests next week - evidence, professional practice & criminal procedure..at the look of things, i might as well have final exams terus.. which reminds me that yup, final exams is in what, 2 weeks time? joy! :p i just cant believe how hectic this semester has been.. i actually need to time myself for everything.. when will all these be over and done with??! oh April, do justice to me and come SOON! im so tired of being a student.. i know working wont be much easier but at least i'll have more freedom rite? well, i sure hope so.. inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.. a few more months, just a few more months! *sigh*

i.dont.know.

i've just received an sms from Laila, my former roomate back in UPM.. she was asking me when will our turn come to get engage and marry now that our friends Iza and Zura are engaged.. the minute i read her message i felt like screaming at her face..really.. haha how could anyone ask me that question??! there's no way i could have an answer to that..marriage seems far off from me rite now.. maybe before this, i could actually some glimpe of it, but now..i dont think so..im still scared..im still searching..and i can only pray and hope that my turn will come soon enough..insyaAllah...:) so people, please be sensitive.. dont ask me or any other single people out there such a question.. coz i just dont know!hehe :p