or so they say

people always say that if u love someone, let him/her go.if he/she is meant to be yours, he/she will come back.if not, mmg takde jodoh la namenyer tu. first time i heard this quote i was against it.tak logik kan?kalu syg of course la kene do something to keep it that way? but i have once let go.. he didnt come back immediately, he came back after he got married.. so no point..

but this time, i have to let go in order for him to be happy, with the girl that has won his heart. its tough trying hard to be a friend and at the same time having feelings for him.it's super hard.i wish he could see that or at least understand that.oh well, i have got to be strong for myself. Ya Allah, besarnyer ujian Mu pada hambaMu ni..kuatkan ke hambaMu nak tempuh semua ni?please show me the light at the end of this tunnel Ya Allah.lemah rasenyer hambaMu ni :(

and its official, JINXED again

for how many times, i dah lost count, i'm jinxed AGAIN.. ntah kene mandi bunga 1000x baru ok kut..pffttt. :( i'm shivering rite now. i dunno why..maybe becoz i wanted it to work out so bad. maybe becoz i can see something in him.. but no, he's not feeling it either...now im beginning to question, am i that bad? penatnyer Ya Allah.maybe i should just tutup je hati ni daripada kene crushed like this over and over and over again. :'( ok, im crying.. dammit :'( why am i so weak.. please give me strength..please :'(

is this what i really want?

when i was growing up, all i wanted was having a good career that will take me places.. see the world.. having a family of my own, wasn't a priority.. bkn tak nak, but i just assumed that i will automatically meet someone, settle down and have my own kids..

i guess thats where i went wrong.i focus too much on getting good grades..all in the name of getting a good job.i thought if i do that, then i'll make my parents proud.. the least i could do to make them happy after besarkan i..

but now looking back, and when i meet friends who have already settled down.. im beginning to question myself.. is having a good career such a good thing? balik2 sorg jugak kat umah.maybe being a mediocre but a family of your own would be much better kan?at least its a balanced life..not like mine.. bkn tak nak bersyukur.. :( tapi lately asyik question my direction in life je... :((

another reason why going to work is such a dread these days..keje mmg byk and will never end.. maybe this is not what i want after all..i always imagine myself "making it big" one day.. but maybe i'm wrong..maybe happiness doesn't lie in all the "big" thing.. :( i feel so lost..

jinx again?

it has only been a month.. and i think im jinxed again.. yup AGAIN.. why la like this? one day he seems ok, the next day he gives me the cold treatment.. i.dont.get.it. i should just stay away.like really. forget it.