a wreck

been feeling like a total wreck since last week.. one minute i was smiling, the next i was on the verge of unstoppable tears.. it could just be the hormones, or it could just be too much emotions that have been bottled up for too long.. I.HAVE.NO.IDEA. i tried to keep up with my daily routine - classes, tutorials, reading case law, facebooking.. i thought if i just keep myself busy, then maybe this shitty feeling would just go away..but nope, it didnt wanna leave me.. i felt very lost.. empty.. to a certain extent, i dunno what was i actually feeling.. i kept on searching for the answer.. maybe i was just very homesick for i havent gone back home for over a month.. or maybe it's just final year.. tonnes of workloads + very lil rest..

i decided that i just need loads of rest.. spent my whole weekend on bed with the internet and novel (my sister's keeper which i still havent managed to finish!) of course... the gloomy weather was like the icing on the cake.. but what do u know? i still felt miserable.. yesterday was the worst.. practically had to drag myself to classes.. but by lunch time, i was really losing it..i just had to get out of my Uni and get some fresh air.. got myself on the lrt and off i went to KLCC.. i knew i just had to get my depression therapy = BELGIAN CHOC @ COFFEE BEAN.. i really wanted to catch Wall.E but decided against it.. watching a movie alone at the cinema was too depressing for me.. Lucky for me, i managed to get Kak Julia, my former supervisor in Petronas.. the long talk and good laugh really helped.. was feeling all better as i head back to my uni..

this morning, i thought im back to my normal self.. until a friend told me i looked very sad.. thats when all these shitty emotions came flooding back into my chest..sheesh.. i wanted to cry so much.. but there was no tears.. then i did something really stupid.. i called him.. first to just ask about civil procedure matters.. end up me silently crying( just the tears rolling down my cheeks but no sound of course) as i talked to him.. for the first time in these few months, he was being his normal self..the "him" which i've known for so long.. and i felt good after that.. at least the guy i used to know is still there within him.. thank you for making my day.. i hope you get well soon..

as for me..the emotions are still wild and all over the place.. i read the Quran.. i pray continuously so that all this will be over with.. i just want to at least know what im feeling rather than feeling lost like this.. snap out of this dee.. its just a phase.. stop feeling like a wreck..