the deceiving look

people always misunderstood me to be a career-lady.. as if i don't care about settling down, having a family.. they say the look on my face says it all..my, are they wrong or what?! the 'deceiving look' is just like a shield to protect myself from being seen as so vulnerable la :( i've been hearing this remark all the time.. how i wish i can make them see that NO, career is not the only thing i want out of this life.. only He knows how badly i wanna have a companion by my side, a 'home' to come to, children to look after..

i may not put up a sad look all the time.. takkan la i nak buat macam tu kan? gimme a break.. just because i put up a strong face, doesn't mean i am all that strong.. if u must know, i often cry driving back from work.. because i feel all alone.. and realization begins to hit me that my dream job now, my company is not going to look after me when i get old, or take care of me when i'm not well.. its family.. and i do want a family of my own :(

but up until now, i have yet to be blessed with a jodoh.. i cant possibly mourn all day can i? life has to go on.. i try so hard but to no luck yet.. to the extent now, i'm just gonna let time decide for me.. its tough people..its so tough being a single lady who tries hard to open up to others and yet being crushed at every opportunity.. and i'm sick of men who feel so inferior to what i do for a living.. dude, if i like you, that'd mean i like you for who you are, so tak payah la complicate things and rase inferior..sheesh.. penat ok..sometimes, i am so tired of this heart business.. i'm not giving up..but too much pain can make you so weak.. ntahla, i'm just going to leave it to Him..

*sigh*